Dust and Shadow
by valiantmongoose
Summary: "We are but dust and Shadow" - Horace. After Max's death Alec depends solely on Magnus to help him through his grief. However, when a young shadowhunter is sent to train at the Institute under Alec's tutelage, he discovers that he's missed a lot during his self-imposed exile. And the more Alec finds out, the more he suspects that Magnus is hiding something.
1. Chapter 1

Two fics at once?! I'm hoping that writing two will keep me motivated and help stave off writer's block! Also, I have a couple of chapters of this one already written, so I feel ahead of the game.

If all goes according to plan, this fic is going to be HUGE. GIGANTOR, even. There are TWO separate plots and I'm going to try my hardest NOT to fuck this up, but I make no promises. I feel very comfortable with the writing style employed in Heart of Light & Certain Dark things and this is very much out of my comfort zone. I'm afraid of over-writing, bogging you down with text, and just being boring. So please, please, let me know how this is going. If you like something, tell me. And if you hate something, TELL ME EVEN MORE.

Kind of scared about this one, because it's so much harder to writer than my other fics and I find myself second-guessing every word (which is agonizing). Hopefully it'll turn out all right in the end.

Love :)

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"Everyone can master a grief but he that has it"

- William Shakespeare

* * *

Despite the number of times Alec wished to have more time with Magnus, to not have to spend every free moment looking out for his siblings, to not have his parents agonizing over his every move, he never wanted it to be under these circumstances. Not at the expense of his little brother.

It had been over three months since he died. Three months since Alec left him behind to be slaughtered by a monster. Three months and Alec could still hear him arguing with Jace about comic book characters. Could still feel his hands as he tried to teach him the proper way to hold a bow. Could still see him, ensconced in the Institute's sofa, trying to study books that his parents had deemed off-limits, squinting at the gruesome pictures and pretending not to be afraid.

At first he had tried to stave off his grief by taking off around the world with Magnus. After all, if there was one thing Magnus had in large supply, it was the capacity to distract. His clothes, his voice, his body, his whole persona was crafted to command absolute attention. But beyond the glitz and sarcasm and outfits that hurt his eyes to even think about, Magnus provided Alec with comfort. With a combination of love and magic, Magnus helped Alec through the worst of those first weeks. With slow kisses in dimly lit hotel rooms, rich history lessons of whatever European countryside they found themselves stranded in, bottles of wine shared under forgotten bridges, and the occasional spell that helped drain the anxiety when it became too much, Magnus helped Alec heal.

That's why instead of being there for his family, Alec had spent the majority of the past three months since his return in Brooklyn. For the first time in his life, Alec was being selfish. Even though Jace was part of him - bound by the bonds of love and magic and grief – it wasn't the same since Clary had come along. He now understood exactly how Jace felt. He knew that his absence was particularly unfair to Izzy, who blamed herself perhaps more than any of them, but in light of all that had happened, Magnus was now the only person who could disperse the haze of guilt and anger that he had constructed around himself. Despite his sister's attempts to get him to spend more time at home, the Institute was too full of memories and did nothing but exacerbate his own feelings of inadequacy. The empty, shadowed rooms extorted his darkest thoughts, and the pervasive silence was almost enough to drive him to madness. His father was never home, his mother was withdrawn, and the absence of Max seemed to bleed through every crack. Ghosts of simpler times haunted the hallowed halls, and Alec couldn't stand to be there for longer than necessary.

No, there was no way he would have been able to make it through something like this without Magnus. Beautiful, vibrant Magnus, whose arguments with Chairman Meow alone were enough to make him forget about the mess that his life had become. Magnus was like the holding grounds he had read about in one of the mundane books Jace had lent him - a shelter to escape the storm of life. His own personal - albeit rainbow-tinted - beacon.

Even so, he couldn't completely escape the obligations of Clave. There were still patrols to complete, reports to write, and duties to fulfill. With his sudden departure he had missed the brunt of the Clave's initial displeasure, but between his parents, Jocelyn, and Luke, most of the issues were worked out without him.

There were also some obligations that Magnus couldn't escape. As High Warlock of Brooklyn he was expected at many of the newly formed Conclave's meetings. A warlock council member still had not been chosen, and Magnus was doing everything in his power to ensure that the settled-upon candidate was not him. He was continuously running off to attend meetings, doing everything within his - prodigious, as he liked to remind Alec - power to help. There were nights that Alec would wake up only to find a note jotted on a ridiculously ornate piece of stationary, letting him know that Magnus was meeting with another of his contacts who claimed to know something about a secret pact to eliminate the werewolves or to ambush the Shadowhunters while under the guise of friendship. Alec was grateful for Magnus's enthusiasm, knowing that much of his interest in building a strong foundation with the other races had a lot to do with their relationship, but he couldn't help but worry about his boyfriend. Not only was Magnus's strength slowly draining, Alec had no idea what would happen if Magnusbecame _too_ involved. The Clave hadn't exactly been welcoming of the changes in the first place, and having the boyfriend of the first openly gay shadowhunter butting his sparkly head into everything would probably make things…strained. Accords or no accords, there were only too many shadowhunters who would be willing to bring down retribution upon a downworlder who was getting too involved in their politics. Still, Alec knew better than anyone that it was impossible to stop Magnus Bane once he set his mind to something.

When confronted about his dwindling energy levels, Magnus would invariably crack a joke about showing Alec just how much energy he had, which would lead to a thorough display of said energy, rendering Alec's initial qualms either irrelevant or forgotten. But Alec was seriously worried about how much longer Magnus could keep going at such a pace, so when he was summoned to the Institute in the early hours of the morning, he left the warlock in bed, getting some well-deserved rest. Magnus had endured eight hundred years of not being privy to the inner workings of the Clave, and he could certainly deal with missing a single meeting that was probably just a plea from his family to spend more time at home.

He pulled his coat tightly around him as he exited Magnus's building. The warm glow of autumn had given way to grey skies and a sharp wind that cut against the skin like a blade. Rubbing his hands together, Alec set off at a brisk jog, hoping that the activity would both wake and warm him; a coffee could have achieved the same result, but he knew that even a few extra seconds puttering around the apartment may have roused Magnus. He still wouldn't be surprised if he opened up the doors of the Institute only to see his boyfriend's lazy smile gleaming out from the darkness, cat eyes luminescent in the dingy corridors. He picked up the pace a little - the quicker he got to the Institute, the quicker he could leave, hopefully in time to crawl back into bed with the only person who could dispel the steadily encroaching chill.

Inside the Institute was pandemonium. As soon as he opened the door, Alec was bombarded by a cacophony of voices spilling out into the entrance. The din was enough to drown out his presence, and no one bothered to come greet him. He shrugged out of his jacket and ran his hands through his wind-tousled hair before confronting his family.

When he stepped into the dining room, he was taken aback at the sight before him: not only were both his parents present, but also a number of shadowhunters he didn't recognize. Shadowhunters from other Institutes, no doubt. He shivered, the sweat on his skin a frigid sheath. This meeting was certainly not going to be about Lightwood family trivialities. But a quick scan of the room reassured him that no great tragedy had occured- Izzy would not look so bored were that the case. Nor would Clary and Jace be making such obvious bedroom eyes. He hoped.

Still unnoticed, Alec cleared his throat before approaching the table. Izzy's neck snapped up at the sound of his voice, but a tiny nod was her only acknowledgement of his presence. His father, back for the first time since Max's death, gave him a quick nod and motioned for him to sit.

"Alexander," he said, "we have received instruction from the Clave that concerns you specifically."

Panic seized Alec, tight and hard and unrelenting. His mind raced with the possible reasons the Clave would want to speak with him; all of them involved Magnus and his very public display of affection and none of them were good. Still, Alec had a duty to the Clave and Consul, and it wouldn't help Magnus to be disobedient now. He would find a way to help his boyfriend, no matter what the Clave tried to force him into.

"An assignment?" Alec asked, his voice as steady as possible.

His father nodded. "With my absence, New York is left woefully unprotected. I have been reassigned to Idris for a time, and your mother has insisted on returning to the city as well." Alec couldn't blame her – he was sure that the Institute had become more of a prison in these past few months than it had been during her time of exile. While he had Magnus to help him through his pain, the incident seemed to have widened a long existing rift between his parents. Maybe some time together would help the both of them.

"The London Institute is sending one of their young Shadowhunters here to train and fight with you and Isabelle. As you're now of age, it will be your responsibility to make him feel welcome, introduce him to the area, and help him settle into New York life. He will be placed here for an indeterminate amount of time."

Alec knew better than to embarrass himself and his father by speaking out against the Clave, so he just nodded his assent. His father turned back to his guests, dismissing Alec with a quick flick of his wrist. Alec gestured to Izzy, and she slipped out of the room behind him.

"A new shadowhunter?" Alec spat as soon as they were in an empty room. "The institute is left 'woefully unprotected'? What kind of bullshit is that? Since when have the three of us not been enough? It's insulting to the Lightwood name to insinuate that we can't take care of our own city."

"That's just it," Izzy said, her fingers tracing the edge of a pillow. The gesture seemed helpless - something Alec wasn't used to associating with his sister. He wondered if it was just the shock of the announcement or if he had just been gone so long that she had changed without him noticing. They never had time to talk while they were hunting, and Alec didn't even shower before going to Magnus's anymore.

"So you think they were lying about why they're sending him here?"

"That's what the argument was about when you got here. Apparently there have been whispers about the Lightwoods and mom wanted to ensure that the Clave was not giving credence to idle gossip. That's why she's going to Idris too."

"What gossip?" Usually the inner machinations of the Clave didn't interest him, but Alec was proud of his family, and he wouldn't let anyone besmirch their name.

"Apparently some have called into question the authenticity of the Lightwood loyalty."

"Because of Jace? And Valentine?" Alec asked, struggling to keep his voice under control.

"Everything," Izzy replied, her eyes wide and distant. "Apparently we have a "rebellious attitude and a penchant to flout authority.""

"So they're bringing mom and dad into this," Alec said.

"Mom, Dad, Jace, Me." Izzy hesistated.

"And me," Alec finished. "Let me guess? Shaming myself in front of the Clave?"

"Cavorting with downworlders, apparently."

Alec took a deep breath, willing himself to accept that storming back into the meeting would do more harm than good. "So it's Magnus they've a problem with? What happened to respecting the new agreements? Have they forgotten everything that's happened in the last few months?"

Izzy didn't answer, but Alec didn't need her to. Despite recent reparations, a large portion of the Clave was still composed of prejudiced bigots too entrenched in their archaic beliefs to recognize that they would have been annihilated if not for downworlders like Magnus.

"So when's the spy set to arrive?"

"Tomorrow." She got to her feet and stretched. "I think they expect you to stay," she added as Alec got to his feet as well.

"I'll be here early," Alec replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets and heading for the door. "The Clave can control almost everything in my life, but they can't control this. They can't get rid of Magnus, or how I feel about him, no matter how hard they try."

Izzy smiled, but the gesture didn't quite reach her eyes. "I know," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow, Alec."

Alec paused and turned to wrap his arms around his sister. She stiffened for a second, but quickly wrapped her arms around him in return. "I'll be here nice and early, Iz," he said.

"Bring Magnus," she replied, grinning for the first time. "I'm sure he can give them something worth gossiping about."

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Let me know what you think, lovelies. Also, don't worry about this slowing down Certain Dark Things - I fly through those chapters!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who's decided to give this story a chance despite my less-than-enthusiastic first author's note. I hope you continue to read and enjoy :)**

**To the reviewer who explained the Latin translation, thank-you! I was a French major before I started medical school and I totally understand the feeling. I've only included the English in the summary (but you're right, the Latin does sound cooler!)**

**Like I said before, prepare yourselves for a long haul with this one. It's more serious, requires more extensive planning, and will be updated much less frequently than Certain Dark Things. I currently have another couple of chapters on reserve though, so I suppose you can expect quick updates for this week. **

**:)**

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"Fear cuts deeper than swords."  
- George R R Martin

Only after he had slammed the door to Magnus's apartment, did Alec consider that his boyfriend might still be asleep. Cursing softly, he slipped out of his boots and crept through the loft, toward the bedroom. He hopped over empty takeout containers, blankets, and the slumbering figure of Chairman Meow curled up in one of his own ratty sweaters, and made a silent pact to clean this place before he returned to the Institute the following morning.

The Institute. Just thinking about it made his stomach curl. Not only would their new addition take away from his Magnus time, he would have to spend half his energy trying to figure out what this new Shadowhunter was up to. Between that, trying to make sure Izzy didn't get hurt, stopping Jace from defiling the training room, and running back to Brooklyn during any free time, he would soon be more exhausted than his boyfriend. Not that anyone really cared about how tired Magnus was. Magnus could push himself to the brink of death and the Clave still wouldn't acknowledge what he'd done. More importantly, Alec's father would never acknowledge what he'd done. Today had been the first time they'd seen each other in weeks, and he'd barely had time for him. Clearly, when Robert had been first introduced to Magnus he'd been too overwhelmed by grief to process what was really happening. If he was really fine with it, he would never have shut Alec out. He wouldn't have a problem looking at him for more than ten seconds at a time. Most importantly, he would take the time to at least send a fire message and see how his son was doing. For all Alec knew, this new Shadowhunter would be the daughter of an old friend. Someone who was being sent here to try to convince Alec that he was making the wrong choice.

He scoffed, amazed that there were still people who thought such things. As if he could take one of Magnus's potions and be cured. De-gayed. Straightified. As if he could wake up one morning and not be mesmerized by the sight of Magnus lying in front of him, hair tousled, lips parted. Fuck the Clave. And fuck his father, too. One time, all he ever wanted was their approval. He had stuffed himself in a cage of his own making, with bars of fear and lies and deceptions, until he had forgotten that he even had the freedom to make his own choices. Magnus had changed that. Loving Magnus had changed everything, and Alec would not go back to being the scared little boy he had been. Not after he had grown accustomed to being himself.

Banishing his dark thoughts, he dropped his pants and pulled off his shirt right outside the bedroom door. He then slipped in quietly, making two quick, nearly-silent steps to the bed before pulling back the covers and slipping in. By some miracle, Magnus was still completely asleep. Alec reached out to gather the warlock in his arms, to pull him into his chest and imbibe some of his warmth, only to find that Magnus was ice cold.

"Magnus!" he yelped, jumping back and drawing the blankets around himself. "That was totally uncalled for! I should have known that it was too much to hope that you would be sleeping peacefully." He grinned, poking his leg out through the blanket and prodding his boyfriend's back.

"Magnus?"

His grin faltered a little when Magnus didn't move. A flickering of unease unfurled in his abdomen when Magnus didn't grin in return. When he didn't twitch. Didn't jump up and haul Alec down for a kiss. In fact, there wasn't so much as a rustling of hair with his exhalations. He was completely still.

"Magnus? Magnus, seriously, this isn't funny." Alec pulled Magnus over onto his back, laying his hand on the golden skin of his chest. It felt no different than placing his palm on the linoleum floor: cold, hard, and lifeless; lacking any indication that blood was coursing just below the surface. Panicking, Alec bunched the blankets around his boyfriend's frame, trying his best to trap in as much heat as possible. He grabbed Magnus's wrist, checking for some kind of pulse, but he got nothing. His own chest was heaving, and the only thing he could feel was his own blood pumping through his hands, reacting to the panic that was threatening to overtake him.

_Okay Alec,_ he ordered himself, _calm down. Calm down and help Magnus. _He pressed his face to Magnus's chest, hearing the slightest pulsation.

The weak lub-dub was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

"Okay Magnus," he said, pulling his boyfriend into his arms, shaking him a little. "Wake up. You've gotta wake up for me."

Still nothing.

"Magnus?" Alec's voice cracked, hysteria robbing him of his ability to think clearly. He tapped his hand against the warlock's face - gently at first and then a little harder. "Magnus, you've got to wake up. You're the one who knows what to do. I have no idea what to do."

Whatever was happening to Magnus, there had to be some sort of magical stimulus. The warlock was freezing, but his body was doing nothing to compensate. There was no shivering, no chattering teeth, no pooling of blood to his chest. It was as if he had been simply turned to stone.

Knowing there wasn't enough time to call for help, Alec knew he had to find something in Magnus's apartment. He scooped him into his arms, still wrapped in the canary-colored comforter, and whisked him to the living room. Placing him gently on the sofa, Alec rushed to the closet and starting sifting through the contents. He shoved aside clothes and shoes, launched old pieces of costume and books across the room, until he came to a trunk he knew was full of extra potions and powders. As he rifled through, trying to find something - anything - that would be useful, he found himself irritated that Magnus's things were so unorganized. A high-pitched giggle bubbled out as he realized how ridiculous he was being. His boyfriend was wasting away into some sort of icicle and he was worried about his filing system. Who cared if Magnus left his shoes on the living room floor, or if he had once left a coffee cup in the cupboard above his bathroom sink? Who cared if he conjured up breakfast when there was food in the fridge, or if he wiped away makeup that had taken forty-five minutes to apply because it didn't match his shoelaces? Alec loved all of Magnus's eccentricities, and even as he was spiraling further into hysteria because of the haphazard piles of _crap_ that were crammed into this infernal fucking box, he found himself loving Magnus even more because the mess was so incredibly, uniquely _him. _

A tear dripped down on one of the bottles before Alec had even noticed he was crying. Hands shaking, he wiped the water away, pushing a pile of envelopes in the process. The cover of one lifted, and inside Alec saw a copper-coloured powder. A powder that looked incredibly familiar. He reached out and grabbed the envelope, and as he did, the smell of the potion, sharp and so bitter he could taste it, unlocked a deluge of memories. He remembered jumping in front of Izzy, remembered the way her face had contorted in pain when she realized what was going to happen. He remembered the sharp pain of a demon bite before Izzy's whip could do its damage. But most poignantly, he remembered the chill of the venom, so cold it felt like liquid nitrogen injected directly into his bloodstream, snaking its way up his body. By the time Magnus got there, Alec could barely move his lower body. Magnus had forced something down his throat - the same acrid something that he smelled right now.

He had no idea what it was or if it would work, but right now it was his only option.

Not bothering to boil any water or let the powder dissolve, Alec upturned the whole contents into a glass of tap water. He hurried back to Magnus's side, and propped his boyfriend into a sitting position. As gently as he could, he poured the rust-coloured liquid down Magnus's throat, praying that it would do something. Anything.

Once the mixture was gone, Alec drew Magnus into his arms, pressing their bodies together. He tried his best to calm down, to stop shaking, knowing that he had to be able to detect any change in Magnus's condition, but it was nearly impossible. He stayed there, gently rocking the warlock, rubbing his arms up and down Magnus's chest in a frantic attempt to create heat. It was like a grotesque dance, the gentle swaying of Magnus's lithe frame keeping perfect time with the rise and fall of Alec's breaths.

Alec could feel when Magnus's heartbeat strengthened. He had gripped the warlock so tightly that the gentle pulsation felt like it could be coming from his own chest. One heart fuelling two bodies. One heart bringing two frozen lovers back to life.

The sense of relief was strong enough to make Alec drop Magnus. Luckily, he just landed against the edge of the sofa.

"Mrghfff," Magnus mumbled, wincing as Alec threw himself on top of the pile of blankets. "Alec, what are you doing?"

"You're alive," Alec said into Magnus's neck.

Magnus pulled his hands out of the blankets with a grunt and placed them against Alec's forehead. "Doesn't feel like there's a fever."

Alec grabbed the warlock's slender fingers and kissed them gently. "I'm not sick, you asshole. I was scared half to death. I didn't know if you were going to wake up."

"Wake up?" You jumped on top of me, and you know, when they say that muscle weighs more than fat, I am inclined to agree." He pushed at Alec, but to no avail. "Seriously, Alec. I love your muscles, but I prefer when they're working over different parts of my anatomy than my windpipe."

Alec shifted over, but refused to release his boyfriend's hands. "Magnus, this is not a joke. You can't just laugh it off, I thought you were dead."

"Dead? Alec - woah." Magnus's eyes rolled back as he attempted to shift his weight. "Talk about being dazed by beauty."

Alec was far from amused. "Magnus, can you be serious for a second and clue me into why I came home to find you in some sort of frozen coma?"

"Ah." Magnus snuggled closer to Alec. "That's how I ended up on the sofa."

"Yeah, I didn't want to leave you in the bed by yourself."

Magnus sighed, lifting his head up and brushing his lips against Alec's. "And here I thought you just wanted to have your way with me."

Alec grabbed Magnus's quickly descending hand and pinned it above his head. "I'm serious, Magnus."

Magnus leaned forward to nip at Alec's neck. "And I'm seriously turned on."

Unwilling to give in, Alec merely stripped Magnus of his temptation by moving to the floor. "Magnus, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong, Alexander, is - "

"If that sentence contains the words sex, sexy, or any derivatives thereof, then I'll walk out right now. Magnus, I thought you were going to die. What the hell happened?"

Magnus shrugged. "I was tired."

"Tired? Magnus, when you're tired, you magic my hair pink so that I'll stop pulling up the curtains. When you're tired, you turn my cellphone into a dildo so that 'at least its vibrating can be useful'. This, whatever it was, was way beyond tired."

"Alec, I was _way beyond tired _when the only sleeping pill available was an anvil to the head. I've been alive for almost a millennium, and sometimes it catches up on me. It's nothing to be worried about." He stood up, the faint crinkle between his eyes the only indication that he wasn't telling the truth. He leaned in, wrapping his arms around Alec's neck and burying his face in his hair. "I'm fine, Alexander, I promise."

"Well, you have to promise to stopping wearing yourself out," Alec insisted, allowing Magnus to nuzzle to his heart's content, if only because that way he could ensure the warlock remained upright. "We're going to have a little extra help starting tomorrow, so you'll be able to rest."

"More help?"

"Yeah, apparently there's a new Shadowhunter arriving tomorrow. From the London Institute."

Magnus withdrew his arms and sighed. A long-winded, very Magnus sigh. "Another Shadowhunter?"

Alec did his best to suppress a smile. "First you make yourself so tired you can barely wake trying to improve Downworlder-Shadowhunter relations, and now you hate them?"

"Who said hate?"

Alec folded his arms, refusing to grin. "Magnus, have you forgotten that I'm a Shadowhunter?"

"Oh Alec, sweetness, nobody's perfect. I once dated a Faerie that would shoot out seeds whenever he - well, let's just say there are some places trees should never planted."

"And I'll file that under things I never needed to know about my boyfriend. Thanks, really."

"I live to serve," Magnus purred with a wink.

"Well," Alec replied, digging his hands into his back pocket and pulling out his stele. He dropped it on the coffee table. "I guess we won't be needing this. You know, if you _loathe _Shadowhunters so much, you're probably not a big fan of runes either."

Magnus's smile faltered and he bent down to scoop up the little grey ball of fluff that had emerged from beneath the sofa. "I was just thinking of the Chairman," Magnus said, shoving the kitten in Alec's face. "He has a hard time accepting change. To him, all Shadowhunters are ghastly beasts that want his **hide** just because he's in love with a Warlock."

"Is that so?" Alec asked, picking up the stele and flipping it from hand to hand. "Well, I guess if you were just worried about the Chairman…"

Magnus nodded emphatically. "Most definitely. I quite enjoy Shadowhunters. _Adore _them, in fact. And runes, well. I think I could probably show you my appreciation for that branch of magic, if you'd just accompany me back to the bedroom."

Alec flicked out his foot and tripped the warlock, catching him just before he hit the ground. He then pushed him onto the floor, pinning his arms above his head. "You've had a trying morning," he whispered in his ear, tracing his tongue along the cartilage. "Walking all that way might be more than you can handle."

Magnus picked up the discarded stele and traced it against Alec's skin. "I fucking love Shadowhunters."

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**If you're enjoying the story, please let me know. I'm focusing on Certain Dark Things right now, but if readers demand more, I'll have no choice but to comply. ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**The last reserve chapter! Certain Dark Things is really taking over every spare minute, but I figured that since I had this just sitting there on the computer, I should put it up. Enjoy :)**

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Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.  
These, our bodies, possessed by light.  
Tell me we'll never get used to it."

- Richard Siken

* * *

Though they didn't do much more than hang out at the apartment, it seemed to Alec as though his day was playing through on fast-forward. All he wanted was to soak in as much Magnus as he could before his duties drew him back to the Institute, but the more desperate he was for the day to last, the quicker it slipped by. An afternoon of pizza in bed melted into an evening of ignored DVDs and finding far more interesting things to do with ice cream than just make a sundae, and by the time Magnus would usually be begging to go out clubbing, he was instead curled up by Alec's side, lost in sleep as the Shadowhunter played with his hair.

Alec was too worried to sleep. His mind buzzed with a thousand misgivings, each one pricking at his conscience just long enough to keep him from dozing off. Even when his eyes started to close and his head was filled with the soft warmth of sleep, Magnus would shift slightly or sigh, and he would be jerked awake, anxious to make sure his boyfriend was still breathing. Alec didn't believe for a second that Magnus was merely fatigued. He'd seen him drained of all his energy, teetering on the brisk of collapse, and it had been nothing like the situation that morning. Something dangerous was going on, and Alec was determined to figure out what it was.

Chairman Meow pushed up against the bedroom door, and as he stalked in to claim a space on the bed, a draft of cool air followed him. Magnus shivered, his normally thermal body temperature clearly not back to normal, and pressed himself closer against Alec's chest. Alec smiled, a warmth rushing through him that had nothing to do with combined body heat. He stroked Magnus's face gently and pressed a light kiss to his hair. He wondered if Magnus would ever know how truly afraid he'd been that morning. While the perils of mortality were nothing new to the couple, Alec had never considered that Magnus would be the one to go before him. Indeed, his greatest fear was the knowledge that Magnus would live long enough to barely be able to conjure up the memory of his face, or to remember his name. Having tasted what it felt like to think his love was dead, Alec found he much preferred the thought of being forgotten.

* * *

It was after three when Magnus woke up. He chided himself for sleeping so long; now he'd only have a few hours to work before Alec woke up. That was irritating, but unavoidable. Alec had been so worried today that Magnus didn't have the heart to leave. He didn't have the heart to lie to him again. He knew the secrets were for the best, but he often wondered if Alec would see things the same way. Probably not, which is why Magnus leaned down and whispered the words that would keep his boyfriend asleep until he returned.

"I love you, Alexander," he murmured before disappearing into the night. He hoped love was enough. He hoped love meant being forgiven.

* * *

Despite the lack of sleep, Alec shot up as soon as his alarm went off. The bed was cold beside him and his chest squeezed at the realization that Magnus was gone. It was 5:45 - not exactly Magnus's happy hour. He _should _be pulling the blankets over his head and snapping the lights off.

Not bothering to put on any clothes Alec raced from the room, wheezing at the onslaught of cool air that rushed at him, only to find Magnus in the kitchen, cooking pancakes.

"Darling!" He greeted Alec with a bright smile, adorned in nothing but boxers and a bright pink apron with _Kiss the Chef_ across the front. His hair was flat and his eyes still looked a little puffy from the day before and he had some pancake batter on his left cheek, but Alec had never seen anything so beautiful. He rushed Magnus, slamming into him with enough force to send his spatula flying. With a swipe of his hand the contents of the cupboard were pushed aside and Magnus was thrust up on the cool granite.

'What the hell are you doing up so early?" Alec demanded, tightening his arms around Magnus's torso and leaning in to kiss along his exposed collarbone.

"I just wanted to prove to you that I was - oh God, that feels amazing - fine." He wrapped his legs around Alec and pulled him closer. "Didn't want you to worry."

"Well that worked out well," Alec panted, hoisting Magnus off the counter and lowering them both to the floor. "I practically had a heart attack when I woke up."

"That is a lie," Magnus snickered, running his hands down Alec's chest, stopping just short of the exact place Alec wanted him to touch. "I'd say your blood is flowing perfectly."

Alec hauled the apron over Magnus's head, pausing for a second to brush some flour away. "That's all you," he whispered as he eased himself back down.

Magnus groaned, delighted by the feeling of Alec's body pressed against his. He wrapped his legs around Alec's waist, pulling him as closely as possible. "Your pancakes are gonna burn," he whispered in warning.

"We've only got time for one," Alec replied, sliding his hand underneath Magnus's boxers, grinning as the warlock's breath hitched, "and I'd rather have you than pancakes."

"As you wish, darling." Magnus snapped his fingers and the sizzling of pancakes abated, leaving only the sweet smell of batter.

Knowing that there was precious little time before they had to leave, Alec wasted none of it. With one arm he quickly flipped Magnus over and with the other hauled his boxers down to his ankles. Magnus shivered as his stomach pressed against the cool tiles, but within seconds Alec's hands were on his ass, and his tongue was dipping down, and everything was pure, heated bliss. Magnus's stomach coiled and he couldn't stifle the whimpers of pleasure that rose in his throat. Alec's tongue danced along his skin, more satisfying than any lubricant he could have conjured up, and it was all he could do to stop from thrusting upward.

"Alec, please," he grunted, dizzy with lust. "Don't make me wait."

"You sure?"

Magnus arched his back, doing his best to press his ass into Alec's groin. Alec slipped a hand under Magnus's waist as he lifted, running his fingers lightly down the tight muscle before grasping the edge of his hip and pulling him into a kneeling position. Magnus's ass looked so perfect - so inviting - that Alec's hands shook a little as the gripped his hipbones. He hovered there, poised against Magnus and aching to thrust forward, but a small part of him hesitated. They usually had more time to warm up, more precautions. "Magnus you're ab-"

"God yes, just fuck me," he said, forcing himself back on to Alec's cock.

Alec gasped, the sensation of heat and friction and tight, smooth muscle culminating in a wave of pleasure. When he didn't move immediately, Magnus arched backward again, sending a coil of pleasure through his abdomen that unfurled with a burst of energy. The movement stripped him of his inhibitions and he picked up the pace, fucking Magnus with a fervour usually reserved for nights that included dirty talk and one too many faerie drinks.

Magnus's hisses of satisfaction, his nails grating against the wooden frame of the cupboard doors, and the sound of their bodies slamming together had Alec teetering on the edge within minutes. Magnus made the most perfect noises; moans and whimpers that made his breath catch and a created sweet, fluttering sensation chest. As the first rays of sunlight illuminated the kitchen, Alec could see sweat glistening on perfect golden skin, and he was compelled to reach around to grab Magnus's erection. He pulled, as best he could despite his erratic thrusts, delighting as Magnus's erotic melody increased in tempo.

"Fuck, Alec," he gasped, his nails digging gouges into the cupboard doors. "Don't stop."

Too involved to do anything other than moan in reply, Alec thrust harder, reveling in the exquisite pleasure of everything that was Magnus, until he felt his boyfriend's release, and finally let himself topple over the edge.

Exhausted with the effort, Alec's legs gave way, and he toppled to the floor, Magnus pinned beneath him.

Using a strength that most found surprising, but Alec was well accustomed to, Magnus wriggled free of Alec's weight, and pressed into his side. Using the little energy he had left, Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, pulling him close. He sighed, content to stay there on the cool floor until they were both ready to start round two, but unfortunately duty called him elsewhere.

"That was amazing," Magnus whispered, pressing his lips to Alec's neck as the shadowhunter traced light patterns on his back.

Alec didn't answer, merely pulled his boyfriend even closer, trying to stave off the chill that had settled around him like a cloak. Trying to banish the feeling that once they left the apartment, everything was going to change.

* * *

**How does writing smut never get less embarrassing? *sigh* Hopefully it's not as awkward to read as it is to write. That was my last reserve chapter for this story, as I've been using most of my time to write Certain Dark Things / outline this monster. If you're overcome with desire to see the next chapter in the next week or so, let me know :)**


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